Initially, I planned on writing this post about setting goals for the new year. However, my body has felt tired recently, and I have been getting signs that are telling me to embrace winter for what it is; a period of rest. The new year feels misplaced; not that it always feels that way but for now, I want to sleep in this still world.
Failure and Forgiveness
I can say with confidence that all of the productivity systems I set up for myself have failed in one way or another. I’ve been growing angrier at myself for losing what I had as autumn leaves fell and crumbled under pedestrians’ tired feet. Even as I am writing, it is late night before this will be posted. I have yet to take photos, but I am trying to write something quickly so I can get it in on time. Inertia has been difficult to come across, and although I love everything I am doing, my feet are dragging.
This may all come to change tomorrow, but currently, in my defeated and vulnerable mind, I am being stubborn enough to forgive myself. I am going to wake up late tomorrow and proceed to do the things that make me feel untroubled. I’ll light a candle and journal, stretch beneath the growing sun, sit in stillness while meditating. I can take it slowly without letting things slip from my grasp. The world is recovering and that is therefore my intention.
I constantly struggle with procrastinating because I have a need to do everything perfectly. I think many people can relate to the feeling of being dissatisfied with work so they simply stop working. It’s interesting how having a goal to do something well can lead to it being done incredibly poorly.
Being stagnant doesn’t mean progression fails; rather it keeps one where they are so they don’t fall to the bottom of the ladder and need to start over. I do not want to start over.
