Aging is a strange thing because we let it define us in certain ways. When we think about milestones most people aspire to achieve in their lives, it always comes with age. Maybe you want to be married by 26 or move out of your childhood home by the time you’re 18. Or maybe you want to have a family by 32.
I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who wasn’t at least a little freaked out by the idea of growing older. And most people who are comfortable with it now seemed to go through a portion of life where they feared it. I think death is one obvious reason for this fear, but I also believe the societal expectations we have on ourselves to achieve certain things by a certain time is another reason for the stress that can come with aging.
The other day I was talking with my mom and she explained how most of the time, she doesn’t feel her age. She will look in the mirror and see a middle-aged version of herself and something just isn’t quite right. I mean, at 46 you’re supposed to have your life figured out, right? Of course not, but that is what many of us believe subconsciously. Including myself.
Turning 19 I found my inner dialogue beating myself up. I realized there is still so much I want to work on related to my relationships, education, career, and much more. Ashamed of my imperfections as a human, it got me thinking about these societal pressures.
It makes sense society has defined us by our age, since we created time as a way to define ourselves, and aging is a result of time. But with this importance, we place on growing older, I think that we begin to think about life a little too linearly, with little room to pursue our true being. Because our own growth can’t be defined by a number. And when I expect myself to grow as time passes, I am left disappointed.
Our growth isn’t linear and can’t be defined by age. We regress and progress. And I don’t think we are ever supposed to have our lives “figured out.” That’s far too much pressure to place on one person during their lifetime.
Each of us and our situations are so unique that we will never be able to please society’s standards. I like to think that my only job is to pursue by own life in a way that feels meaningful to me. To live life peacefully inwards and outwards, and to cherish the present moment. Because right now we are living life. And that is all life is right now. It isn’t about the past or future. Because if we only focus on what comes next, then how will ever learn to enjoy what that thing is once it arrives?
That is why I have come up with 19 things I’ve learned in 19 years to promote a way of living that isn’t linear but appreciates the ebbs and flows of life and ourselves as imperfect humans.
19 Pieces of Advice for 19 Years of Living
- The natural world is your best friend and it is a privilege to be able to access it.
- Appreciate what you have because one day it will be gone.
- Practice non-attachment in order to let go more easily.
- Non-attachment is not the act of avoidance, it is the act of flowing through life gracefully.
- Keep a journal. It provides a place to dump out mind clutter and gain clarity during times of stress.
- Empathize with others the way you would for yourself. The people you love are imperfect too.
- Active communication is a tool that should only be used for those who deserve it. Depending on the situation, sometimes it is just best to create space if you can.
- You can only expect people to be as good to you as you are to them. Instead of asking for more from them, see how you can manifest more of what you need within yourself.
- Go swimming in the ocean if you can. It is cleansing and fun.
- Call or send a random text to those you love but don’t see often. It reminds them that they’re important to you.
- Different times of day have different energies. Utilize them for your needs. For example, I find mornings to be an ideal time to calm my mind and tune into the present moment.
- Do things by yourself to learn how to enjoy your own company. You are the only thing sticking around for the rest of your life.
- Learn how to socialize. In-person. Working on this has brought me so many meaningful connections with people and made my daily life less stressful.
- Awkward situations are a given in anyone’s life, don’t let those scare you away from being open and social.
- Determine easy ways to track your life. This makes looking back on the past more intentional and there are so many reasons why you may need to uncover something from your past. I do this through journaling and keeping seasonal playlists.
- You don’t need to forgive and forget. Just do whatever makes you feel the best as long as it doesn’t harm anyone. Peace can be found in many different ways.
- If you have the privilege to, eat good food. Life is too short to not enjoy your meal if you have the means to.
- Comparison is destructive, but empathy is healing.
- Travel whenever you can. Or even just change your scenery every once in a while. When we get into the same routines and want something to change, travel helps us to see the world from a different point of view.
